Monday, March 12, 2012


What I am about to write feels like a sensitive subject. It may be a raw one for some who have been there and beyond with their kids.

One of my beloveds is at a crisis point. I am writing this at the end of a full seven days of her being in therapeutic respite; she is coming home tonight. We are so worried about the turn she appears to be taking. For a long time it truly looked like she had made super progress. Now she is stuck way back in what I lovingly refer to as her 'old-fashioned' stuff. That is, behaviors she has not needed to engage in for ages. So we've been planning how best to help her. In our discussions we have circled around one concerning idea. 'Old-fashioned' stuff in this kiddo makes her pretty unsafe.

In all that RAD is or can be, all of the peeing, pooping, swearing, sneaking, lying, picking, staring, ignoring, ad infinitum, there is one thing that gives us pause...

How do you help the Dangerous kid? The one that requires 100% line-of-sight supervision just to keep others from getting hurt in any variety of ways. The one who would require a door alarm for safety any time you can't be 'eyes-on' (sleeping, showering, etc.). I think that the visceral reaction of many is to push them away or remove them from the situation in order to keep others safe. (And I am NOT saying that isn't the absolute only solution in some situations. Sometimes it is more damaging to all involved to keep them home.)

But what about when they are still in the home. It is so important that their need for closeness and relationship is met despite seriously alienating 'push-away' behavior (oops, forgot that in the list). In the dailiness of busy lives in families packed with potential victims, how does the really unsafe kid get enough time and proximity to have any hope of some level of healing? Particularly when the only place they and others might be safe is when they are in an alarmed bedroom.

No answers, just questions. Food for thought from our journey. I'm interested in what you think, or do, if your family is at all like mine.

The funny thing is that because we are healthy and love them, these kids see us as weak. Ha! What kind of powerful love have we been given for our children that we can love both potential victim and perpetrator at the same time?!?

Amazing love.

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