Recently I was listening to my secret pleasure radio program, New Life Live. It is a call-in show with multiple counselors who help people with serious psycho-social issues. I love it. On this day they were instructing the caller in the several layers of connectedness we as humans need to maintain or grow in our mental health. To be healthy and heal from trauma they listed something like: church (a larger community), a small group, several good friends who support your growth, and at least one close confidant. I probably didn't get that completely right, but you get the picture. Support.
The same day I heard this information, my husband went out of town. Just a three day men's retreat but it happens so rarely that it gave me some serious food for thought. And that is... HOW do single parents do it? Ever. But especially with special needs kids! I do quite a bit of parenting on my own. Don't tell, but sometimes it even seems easier. But he's always coming home in a while. It's not the same.
My mom was a single parent. She made it look easy when I was young. More recently, she has been raising special needs kids for years. Alone. Last month, her youngest celebrated 18. It was the first time in forty-six years that she didn't have a minor child. I am in awe.
It is so easy to feel, and be, isolated in this atypical lifestyle. We have to work so much harder to stay connected in healthy, nurturing relationships. Harder when our kids drive away (or worse, suck in) our friends and family. Harder when our kids can't play with theirs. We can't stand around at pick up time and fret over the same foibles...
you catch them having s**!.. ...Um..... Never mind. Norma?
Doesn't make for easy connection. And we probably need it more than most after years of living withtheir our trauma.
I would love to hear from single parents (or any trauma moms, caregivers, etc.),
And to the single parents...I'm not saying the words (angel, saint, etc.), but I am saying,
The same day I heard this information, my husband went out of town. Just a three day men's retreat but it happens so rarely that it gave me some serious food for thought. And that is... HOW do single parents do it? Ever. But especially with special needs kids! I do quite a bit of parenting on my own. Don't tell, but sometimes it even seems easier. But he's always coming home in a while. It's not the same.
My mom was a single parent. She made it look easy when I was young. More recently, she has been raising special needs kids for years. Alone. Last month, her youngest celebrated 18. It was the first time in forty-six years that she didn't have a minor child. I am in awe.
It is so easy to feel, and be, isolated in this atypical lifestyle. We have to work so much harder to stay connected in healthy, nurturing relationships. Harder when our kids drive away (or worse, suck in) our friends and family. Harder when our kids can't play with theirs. We can't stand around at pick up time and fret over the same foibles...
Norma mommy: Can you believe it, yesterday Johnny and Susie
asked if they could play doctor!
Raddy mommy: Oh my gosh, I know, don't you just hate when you catch them having s**!.. ...Um..... Never mind. Norma?
Doesn't make for easy connection. And we probably need it more than most after years of living with
I would love to hear from single parents (or any trauma moms, caregivers, etc.),
- How do you make sure you limit the isolation?
- How do you get a break?
- What kind of supports actually help?
And to the single parents...I'm not saying the words (angel, saint, etc.), but I am saying,
My hat is off, your hands are full.
image courtesy of: http://sensibility.com/vintageimages/1950s/
